Catch Him If You Can

Often the best, most entertaining stories in The New York Times are the local ones, like the story today about the fugitive "folk hero" from Cassadaga:

Ralph Phillips was a 43-year-old car thief and a burglar with a record as long as his dark ponytail — and, it turned out, a little pluck, too, which everyone missed until the day he ended up in a jailhouse kitchen with a can opener and no one looking.

He was serving 90 days for a parole violation. After he escaped from the Erie County Correctional Facility near Buffalo, prying a hole in the ceiling with that opener, people in Chautauqua County, in the southwest corner of the state, just shrugged. Until it was disclosed that Bucky, as he is known around here where he grew up, had only had four days left until his release, and then they laughed.

But something else unexpected has happened: No one can find Bucky Phillips. [. . .]

Mr. Phillips is a Seneca Indian, and a dash of Native American mysticism has inspired some supporters.

“They say that some shamans can actually change shape,” said Joanne Wiles, 48, a former postal worker now on disability. “As crazy as it sounds, to me it’s the only reason he could keep getting out. He changes shapes. I don’t know how. He could become a bird, or a squirrel.”

I love that idea, but you know, if he could become a bird, why didn't he just fly out of jail a long time ago? He could have even flown to his grandchild's birth--the reputed reason for his escape--and then flown back to serve the rest of his sentence.

I'm just sayin'.

Silly Pills for Everybody

Who could say no?

People who took an illegal drug made from mushrooms reported profound mystical experiences that led to behavior changes lasting for weeks - all part of an experiment that recalls the psychedelic '60s. [...]
Two months later, 24 of the participants filled out a questionnaire. Two-thirds called their reaction to psilocybin one of the five top most meaningful experiences of their lives. On another measure, one-third called it the most spiritually significant experience of their lives, with another 40 percent ranking it in the top five.

"The most spiritually significant experience of their lives." And you know they got paid for it.

Mais pourquoi?

A film of a man throwing his future away.

Via YouTube.

In the Midnight Hour, Babe

Ever since that dude from Toronto did "Rebel Yell" on Rockstar: Supernova, I've been compulsively cranking the original Billy Idol version several times a day. Jesus Christ that song rocks. The intro kills me.

There's a weird break in the song where Idol almost slurs the words out, like he's in a daze. I never had a clue what he was saying. Now that I've found the lyrics on his website, they really cast the song in a new light. I keep replaying this part over and over:

He lives in his own heaven
Collects it to go from a 7 Eleven
Well he's out all night to collect a fare
Just as long, just as long it don't mess up his hair

All this time I thought the track was about some groupie "pumping on the floor." Now I'm thinking it's about some elaborately coiffed cabbie picking up a copy of Hustler at the convenience store.

His Stone Cold Baadness

I dare you to read this Onion classic without kickin it Kornfeld style the rest of the day. Word.

That's right. "Keep Your Fucking Shit Off My Desk."

Downtown.

Old Crow

Meet Tata, a 59-year-old crow.

Flones said Tata was still active and alert in his later years, to the point each spring that he called out from inside the house to crows outside, often loudly and beginning at 5 a.m.

Great story, and you can tell there's much more to it. I'm surprised they didn't turn The Life of Tata into a Sunday feature.

Hands Down

Or should I say "pants down."

Best opening line of any newspaper article ever. Right here.